Lateral Thinking
by Eyes of Shinigami
Summary: Goku shows his companions a thing or two in the most unconventional way.


TITLE: Lateral Thinking

AUTHOR: Eyes of Shinigami

RATING: K+

PAIRINGS: None

TIMELINE: Erm…random?

WARNINGS: Silliness, through and through. Maybe some slight language too.

SUMMARY: Goku has rather unconventional modes of thinking, much to the surprise of his companions. A funny little idea I had when I was reading _Mutts._ I truly believe that Patrick McDonnell is one of the greatest philosophers of our time.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own _Saiyuki _or any characters pertaining to it. I do own the silliness that is this fic, so no takie! You have _Mutts, Azumanga Daioh, _and the internet to thank for the riddles.

_(A/N: I would also like to mention that this fic is dedicated to Warrior Nun, on her birthday. You're such a sweetheart, I thought I would do something nice for you. I hope you enjoy it!)_

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"Gojyo, I've got a bit of a question for you. Tell me, how many letters are in the alphabet?" Hakkai asked, looking up from the funny little book he was reading. He had found the anecdotes rather amusing, thinking maybe it would take the strain of the journey, coupled with the rain outside, and relieve a bit of it.

The kappa sat silently for a minute or two, looking completely stumped with the question. However, giving it his best shot, he looked at Hakkai and smiled cockily. "That's easy, it's twenty-six. Even I know that," he answered smoothly, smirking smugly until the gentle shake of his friend's head wiped it right off. "What do you mean, no?"

"That's wrong, actually the answer is-" he started, until another voice piped up from the other side of the table.

"Eleven, right? There are eleven letters in the phrase 'the alphabet', if I'm counting right," Goku said brightly, popping another chip into his mouth as his eyes continued to scan the comics page that the priest had given him. He was completely oblivious to the blatant shock on Gojyo's face, as well as the soft surprise on Hakkai's. Hell, even Sanzo had lowered his paper enough to reveal a cocked eyebrow.

Gojyo huffed loudly, crossing his arms across his chest and choosing to ignore the chimp's interjection. "Lucky guess. Go on, ask another one," he told Hakkai, almost as if challenging him. The healer didn't look fazed in the slightest, picking up the book from where he had turned it over.

"Let's see…okay, how many birthdays does the average man have?" he asked, finding himself looking at the youngest member of their party instead of the person the question was intended for.

Again, Gojyo looked stumped for a moment, before giving it his best shot. "I want to say…seventy-eight, right?" He looked hopefully at the other man, shoulders falling dejectedly when Hakkai shook his head again. Growling under his breath, he shoved the boy roughly on his arm to rouse his attention. "Hey monkey, can you answer that one?" His voice held a faint undercurrent of mock to it, again almost as if challenging the boy.

Hakkai repeated the question for Goku, who looked at the redhead with his own smug smirk. "That's easy too. It's one," he answered, smirk widening when the kappa's eyes grew nearly too big for his face.

Sanzo, slightly amused by the goings-on, decided to contribute to the kappa's clear discomfort at being shown up by a monkey. Perhaps it was just the thing to loosen up his tension just a bit. "How so?" he asked simply, startling the boy into looking at him.

"Well, a man can have many 'birthdays', but he only has one 'birth day.' Is it right, Hakkai?" he answered, turning towards the green-eyed man with searching eyes. Why was the water sprite having so much trouble with these questions? They were rather easy, at least in his opinion.

Hakkai was still a little stunned, though having a bit more sense to be discreet about it, looked at the answer in the book and confirmed it with a nod of his head. Deciding to see what was to come of this, he posed another. "Okay, Goku, here's another one: There are five apples on a table, and you take away two of them. How many have you got?"

Well, so much for that, Sanzo thought to himself, reaching to grab his cigarette pack from across the table. He nearly got the stick to his lips, until Goku's answer caused him to drop it.

"Two, right?"

Gojyo sputtered helplessly, for he had been more than sure that the boy would have answered something dumb like 'none' because he would eat them all. Small, unseemly gulping noises sounded in his mouth as Hakkai nodded to indicate that yes, that was the correct answer. "How the fuck did you figure that out?"

"I just thought about it. Jeez, can't you pay attention to anything?" Goku shot back, looking a bit put out that the redhead was making such a fuss about it. They were just questions. "Gimme another one."

Sanzo and Gojyo waited on baited breath, listening closely as Hakkai flipped the page and continued with this rather unexpected exchange.

"All right. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world?" the former teacher asked, surprised at how clever these were. He waited as well, rather pleased that the golden-eyed boy was proving to be much more adept at these than his older companion.

"That one's really easy. It's Mt. Everest."

The priest couldn't really believe what he was hearing; the monkey was answering all of these anecdotes like they were nothing, and they were proving to be troublesome for _him _to figure out. Of course, his pride would not permit him to admit that particular fact out loud. The two unoccupied members of the party shared a look, not sure if they liked this rather interesting new development.

Naturally, Hakkai was all for Goku showing the two of them a thing or two. "Next one: a truck carrying pumpkins, tomatoes, and eggplants takes a sharp turn to the right. What drops first?" he asked, wondering if maybe this one would prove to be a bit too much for the boy.

Apparently, Gojyo had been thinking along the same lines as he had been, but was far more pleased by that thought. "Ha! Let's see you get that one right, you dumb monkey," he jibed, blowing a rather undignified raspberry at his younger companion.

"Its speed," Goku answered undeterred, ignoring the kappa in favor of paying better attention to the green-eyed youkai. He missed the look that again passed between the other two men, instead eagerly awaiting the next challenge.

Sanzo reacted by grabbing the book from Hakkai, deciding it was his turn to play with the monkey a bit. "Okay, next one. What's the difference between here and there?" he asked, the faintest hint of pride lurking beneath the surface of his words, so slight that he even managed to miss it. He smirked a bit, though, thinking maybe this one would be so simple that it would go completely over the chimp's head.

No such luck. "The letter T, come on, Sanzo…that one was too easy. Gimme some like Hakkai told me!" Goku whined, focusing his full attention on the priest for the first time all night. His eyes were shining like polished gold, clearly pleased with the way that this game was turning out.

"All right. What smells the most in a garbage can?" the blonde asked, nearly snorting when he read the answer. He was going to beat the boy to death if he couldn't get this one.

"Depends on what's in it," Gojyo tried helplessly, slumped back in his chair with a childish pout on his lips. He didn't like where this night was going, since it was making him look like the stupid one. That was the chimp's job, dammit!

"That's wrong, you dumb water sprite. Its your nose!" Goku supplied, sticking his tongue out at the redhead and practically beaming with pride when he saw Sanzo's very faint smile. This was well worth it if it took Sanzo's mind off the rain and his depression.

Gojyo did not look happy at all, which was truly beginning to make the priest's night, if not the rest of the week. "Fine. A man ran out into the street, exclaiming, 'I can walk through walls!' How is this possible?"

"He went through the door."

"That was very good, Goku. Keep going, Sanzo," Hakkai nudged, taking his own perverse amusement in the whole situation. Gojyo was always calling Goku stupid, and it looked like the wheel of karma had turned in the boy's favor.

"All right. A man went walking through the woods one evening. How far could he go?" Sanzo asked, sounding a bit confused as he tried to think of the answer before he looked at it.

Goku looked thoughtful for a moment, much to Gojyo's hope that he was finally unable to answer. Again, the gods of luck were not shining on him that night. "Halfway, because after that you're walking out again."

The redhead slapped his forehead loudly, dragging his hand down his face in an almost cartoonish manner before glaring daggers at the boy. "How the hell did you get so smart? Give him a good hard one, Sanzo." He stopped, snickering at his own pun until he realized that no one else was paying any attention to him. He slumped back in his chair again, shoving his hands in his pockets and waiting.

Sanzo's eyes scanned the page carefully, looking for a perfect riddle to fulfill the kappa's request. Of course, he was secretly hoping that the boy would outmaneuver Gojyo again. Finally he came to one, his smirk widening as he read it out loud. "Got one. Listen closely, okay? A man was looking at a picture and said, 'Brothers and sisters I have none, but that man's father is my grandfather's son,'" he asked, wrinkling his brow in confusion as he tried to puzzle it out. Even the healer looked like he was having trouble figuring it out, and Gojyo didn't even bother. "Hakkai? What do you think?"

Hakkai inwardly smirked right along with the priest, knowing exactly where he was trying to go with this. "I honestly don't know," he answered truthfully, casting a look at the water sprite from out of the corner of his eye. The man shrugged crossly, before all three speculative glances were cast onto the one remaining party member.

"He was looking at a picture of himself," Goku said plainly, casting a bit of a surprised expression in the green-eyed man's direction. He wasn't smarter than Hakkai by any stretch of the imagination, and he hoped that the man wouldn't hold it against him for showing him up this one time.

Instead, Hakkai chuckled jovially, glad to find that he was no longer awash in the memories that fell just as heavily as the rain outside. He was also pleased to find that Sanzo's demons had disappeared too, unable to stand up in the face of Goku. "Well, I think we all learned something new tonight, didn't we?" he asked, the question clearly directed at one person in particular.

Said person in question grunted and mumbled something unintelligible, launching himself onto the monkey when he noticed the boy looking rather smug with himself. "Okay, who are you and what did you do with the chimp? The Goku I know isn't smart enough to peel a banana, much less answer riddles!" he teased, as he tussled with the boy all in good fun. Secretly he had been just as proud as the rest of them, but he could be just as stubborn as a certain priest when it came to admitting such things.

"I'm not a chimp, you perverted water sprite! Just because I have thoughts _other _than sex and women in my head does not make me stupid," Goku argued back, struggling against the headlock that he found himself caught in. Just when he had been feeling so good about himself too…

As per tradition, the mock-brawl continued until a familiar thwack on the head broke them up, punctuated by Sanzo's voice. "Calm down, dammit! It's time to go to sleep!" he threatened, whacking the kappa once more. When the redhead shot a glare at him in reply, the priest crossed his arms and huffed. "For once, the monkey was behaving himself, and you had to go and spoil it! You're lucky I didn't decide to fucking shoot you once and for all!"

"I got it, I got it, you damned pansy-ass monk. You're just mad because-" Gojyo started to argue, silenced by the warning shot that whizzed past his ear before he could finish.

"Sleep or death! All of you! Out, damn it! " Sanzo hollered ungracefully, rearing the dreaded fan-o-doom back to usher the everyone out and into their own rooms. He paused to run his fingers through Goku's hair for just a moment, hoping that the boy would understand what he was trying to convey. Of course, Sanzo being Sanzo, the moment broken when Goku found himself shoved outside the door before the boy could say anything.

"G'night, Sanzo," Goku murmured, letting the priest know in his own way that he understood. A grunt followed by a slamming door was his reply, but he knew that he had managed to do something right for once. He practically skipped back to his own room, decidedly pleased with himself.

And thus, all was right in the world.

-END-

_(A/N Part II-Sorry if they seemed a bit out of character. I am a firm believer that Goku is smarter than he acts, and that he just doesn't really have the opportunity to show it. He isn't stupid, just simple. And as far as Gojyo was concerned, he was being a bit mean, but isn't that what older siblings do when showed up by the younger ones? Cut him some slack. -giggles-)_


End file.
